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My Friend

I don't have anymore words to say, I don't know what to say. Deep inside somewhere I knew the day would come. I am a coward who didn't want to face that. I Never had the strength to face the truth. I never wanted to be aware of her suffering. I always wanted to see her as a vibrant, funny, pushy friend. I refused the reality and cling on to my mental image of how things should be.

She was always strong, wilful, outspoken. People used to say she was rude as she didn't care, her attitude was "whatever man...". I kind of idolised her. I knew I would never be able to like her.... Open, Straight, Blunt.

I don't know how I feel... a kind of frustration and discomfort inside. I started to go to deep thoughts in the middle of  conversations. But  I didn't cry when I heard the news. Am I at fault for not being able to shed tears?. One thing is for sure, I miss her, I don't want to believe that she doesn't exist anymore. She taught me Hindi when I was new here and like a child who mimics the sounds it hear, I still use her words of choice and wordings. In a way there is a bit of her passed onto me.

Now I know that when I start typing, the other end would never respond. One day she was there, now.....hollowness. I want to believe that she is there somewhere in a faraway place. I just want you to know that I am sad.....nothing more nothing less. You are my friend and will always be.

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